Give men an extra chance. When it comes to restoring a harmony that was there, perhaps they have little desire to go into psychotherapy, but to face the challenges there are. Challenge them to win back.
The trap of duty
Poor sexuality, we gave her too many tasks, too many duties. We have loaded the quality of the relationship, of our life, of personal identity: it contains all these facets but it cannot be the only container of everything. Let’s look back. Just yesterday, we enthusiastically cleared female sexuality: we have experimented, discovered. Marapidamente has acquired a nuance of obligation: We have to enjoy, we have to let people enjoy, we have to wish. But in all this, where am I? Among the thirty-year-olds there is great freedom of behavior: the game, the consumption of pornography on the web, the pornoshop. For the furry sex games this is the perfect detail.
Having sex is different from opening up to sexuality even with non-stable partners
Because the imaginary weighs, changes slowly and that pattern of power in which the woman welcomes we are still prisoners: hence the inadequacy, the feeling of guilt or disparity. Or the frustration that someone brings here saying “he cannot do it”. It’s like thinking of knowing a language because you know syntactic words and constructions, or instead actually living in a different cultural and linguistic context. In short, I can learn a thousand techniques and games and try absolutely nothing. “I can do things” is easier than “being inside my body”: it is true for hetero and homosexuals and between these and the latter, especially young people; it shows up a great relational desire that goes beyond the freedom of sexual behavior. For the furry sex games this is a great option.
Sexuality is the ability to give each other
But it is obvious that many factors can interfere: paradoxically, it seems easier to find pleasure when you have less emotional and relational expectations than the other. In menopause when women have to deal with a real drop in hormones, the phantom that haunts us is that while we get fat, we have the scales and the mood swings men remain lenders, equal to themselves, if anything with the possibility of resort to Viagra, and we are therefore “wrong”. As if they did not increase the waistline, as if we could not even look at our change. Thus intimacy becomes more difficult.
Do not be afraid. Do not feel eternally in duty. Respect yourself. Enlarge sexual practices, beyond penetration: it is very good for both women and men. Do not stop the change, which brings ever closer to what we feel and what we do. Even in bed
Cultivate the agreement
Roberto Todella, gynecologist and sexologist, president of the interdisciplinary Center for research in sexology